


Calm Shore

by MayLovelies



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:31:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7510243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayLovelies/pseuds/MayLovelies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feanor thought he knew pain. For his whole life, he believed himself to be the victim of both emotional emotional physical anguish. However, no amount of pain, no wound could ever hurt him as much as seeing his wife pledging herself to another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calm Shore

**Author's Note:**

> I have a whole universe where Feanor is reborn and life is just shit for him to begin with. Things get happier but not for some time. This story is supposed to be a part of a bigger one but I have taken this out and made it a oneshot. Hope you enjoy.

For some time now Feanor knew it was bound to happen. 

 

If Indis and Nerdanel’s persistence to keep him away wasn't a clue, than the very tall Vanyar elf who seemed to fancy himself by Nerdanel’s side was a dead give away.

 

Yes, Feanor knew this day was coming, long before it did. And no, he didn't expect it during his death, or even before the kinslayings. It was long before that; the day he'd turned his sword on his brother, or even years before.

 

Their once beautiful relationship had been falling apart, and Feanor only had himself to blame. With his compulsiveness and damned paranoia, Nerdanel could only take so much.

 

And now, Feanor realized that he had finally lost her for good.

 

Wedding bells rang loudly that day, calling the better part of the Noldor kingdom to the castle. Th sky was bright, filled with the radiance of the sun and spring.

 

With blooms blessing then landscape, it was no doubt that it was the perfect time for a wedding.  And that wedding just happened to be Nerdanel’s.

 

There was a crowd of both Vanyar and Noldor alike, filling the main square of the kingdom, happy to see their kin being united once again. Cheers and shouts came from either side of the decorated plaza as the two elves spoke their final vows of true love.

 

Everyone was happy, everyone was overjoyed. Everyone except Feanor.

 

Feeling out of place amongst the jeering and screaming, Feanor stood in silence only to where he could see and from his space, he saw both Nerdanel and the tall Vanyar (relative to Indis), embracing each other, once again as their final vow sealed their union. There was a kiss, followed by a silent promise, then soundness cheers.

 

Feanor was certain they were making noise, the elves around that was. He could see them, clapping and singing. 

 

But he could hear nothing. Things played out like a silent image, followed by a nostalgic montage of memories. 

 

Happy memories, only happy, for any memory with Nerdanel was a happy one. He remembered the day they met, their first travels, their marriage and....everything. Such memories, even if for a second brought him the utmost happiness and for a split moment, Feanor thought he was looking at his own wedding all over again.

 

_ Oh, how beautiful she looks. More vibrant than the stars themselves...  _ Feanor thought with a smile emitting from his lips.

 

But it didn't take him long to be forced back into wretched reality. It didn't take long for the various elves, especially the Noldor in the area to scorn him. Feanor heard their whispers.

 

“Why is he here?”

“Does the Valar know of his presence?”

 

“Someone must alert Indis. He will only cause trouble for Lady Nerdanel! Why did he come?” 

 

All these questions stacked upon each other rendered Feanor motionless and virtually helpless.

 

Before he realized, a trail of hot tears began to pour down his face, slightly burning his cheeks. Feanor assumed that this happened sometime before but reality wouldn't permit him to realize it until now.

 

The whispers grew louder and louder until Feanor felt that sense of paranoia and vulnerability that he hated so damn much.

 

_ Run! Run!  Pick up your feet and leave!  _ No matter how much he commanded himself, he could not move. His feet were virtually glued to the ground. 

 

He only just realized how odd this was and how bad he made the situation, just by showing up.

 

Why would he of all people come? What purpose, as Nerdanel’s estranged husband did he have being anywhere around her? 

 

None. No reason whatsoever.

 

He began to tremble,  looking even more foolish than he already had. This situation made him so much weaker than he already was.

 

When the crowd began to slightly clear, making way for the bride and groom,  **Feanor** ran. And where he ran to, he did not know yet. He paid no mind to the direction until his bare feet began to blister and his chest began to burn. And finally, that was when his heels touched the all too familiar grains of loose sand, followed by the crash of cool waves upon his toes .

 

Through tears, Feanor looked breathlessly ahead at the ocean. The sound of the water brought back ripples of happiness, but they were soon replaced with sorrow.

 

_ I will never again, upon this calm sea shore, walk with her again.  _

 

The first thing Feanor wanted to feel was anger, but not a thread he felt. Only sadness yet at the same time, happiness. Nerdanel was happy, in good hands with someone she loved. No matter how much Feanor detested Indis and her family, they had cared for Nerdanel and they were _ her  _ family now.

 

It would be hard, but Feanor would never hate Nerdanel, he would die first. This pain however would not leave. It would eat him away slowly, but that was a price he would pay. That was the Valar’s true punishment. 

  
Feanor walked forward into the sea, shivering slightly. But the cold felt nice upon him. After everything he had been through, the ocean and the memories it held made him feel better.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!


End file.
